Southeast Missouri State University student publication

Relationships in college - A female's perspective

Tuesday, April 16, 2019
Karis Gamble

Let's talk about relationships in college.

I can't do it. Or perhaps it just takes a special someone to actually go through the process.

It may be every little girl’s dream to find her true love. At one point, that was the only thing on my mind, especially when I discovered the 1997 film “The Wonderful World of Disney Cinderella” starring Brandy Norwood and Paolo Montalbán. This was one of my favorite movies and the prince was oh, so charming.

The scenes of heartfelt music, ballroom dancing, and realizing true love gave me a glimpse of what I one day want to experience. However, it's just a movie. Let's not forget Cinderella was going through a hard time. She was enslaved by her stepfamily and treated like the ugly stepchild.

But, there was a lesson to be learned: it takes hard times and struggles to get to the infamous “happily ever after.” However, once she found her “happily ever after,” the movie was over. We all know if this was real life, they would argue, fight and bicker, but they don't show you that part.

Growing up, I watched movies such as “Love and Basketball,” which depicts a man and woman falling in love and even being together in college. However, they eventually break up due to disagreements, not being ready, or wanting to "explore other options" before settling down.

Once they had time apart and started their career, fate somehow brought them back together. I believe it's because of the growth they experienced while being apart and recognition of the intricate role they each played in their relationship.

No matter how much I think I want to be in a relationship, the truth of the matter is, I am not ready. In my generation particularly, our minds are filled with traumatic experiences, no trust, no real communication, and no problem-solving skills. These are all essential to a healthy relationship. How would we ever truly be able to love someone if we are stuck in the past and dependent on others for our happiness?

Yes, I think I am grown, but life slaps me right in the face when I begin to do too much.

Men see women differently than women see themselves. I believe women look for love by doing the duties of a wife in order for a man to give them the attention they feel they deserve. According to online personal dating coach Evan Marc Katz, "Men look for sex and find love while women look for love and find sex.”

This brings me back to the point of not being in a relationship in college. That’s because, overall, no one is truly ready for the hard times that have to be endured before getting to the final victory. Most college girls would go for star athletes or most popular guy on campus and expect a lifelong relationship.

Why are we like this?

We know he is not ready and we are not ready but still go for it. That's how we get hurt, self-esteem begins to wear and tear, and mental instability begins to show. Now, we're called crazy.

Overall, I do not believe college relationships are healthy, but it is absolutely doable and there are success stories. A high level of maturity and mental stability is essential before even getting into a relationship.

I understand now more than ever why adults would say, "Girl, them boys are gonna always be there, focus on your books.”

Being in college is where I realized I need to grow up and care about myself more than ever. No one is here to babysit me and it's time to focus on my future career to make sure I never have to depend on a man for things I can take care of for myself. Classes, work, graduation and internships are what's keeping my mind occupied as of now.

I don't have time for stressing over a man.